WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
