Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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