I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
