New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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