sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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