It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
