Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
