Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize