I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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