Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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