you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
