Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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