The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
