thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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