This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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