you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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