At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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