just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
