I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
