How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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