Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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