Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so that wasnt chicken after all
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
