is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
