Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
