I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
