The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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