You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
