Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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