I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
