Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
