yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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