you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
