We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
