just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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