I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
