wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
