Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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