do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
