The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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