Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
