My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
