i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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