Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
