last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
