so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
