i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
