this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
