So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
