If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
