She just used a chaser for red wine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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