Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
