everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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