remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
