You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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