I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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