Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just google imaged poop.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
